Broken Children of District Twelve
by myriadharbourchallenger
Summary: AU, Katniss always fights to protect those she loves. So what will she do when she is reaped with Gale, Madge, and Peeta-three people she loves deeply, in the 75th annual Hunger Games? With only one victor, will Katniss be able to watch her best friends die in order to go home to Prim? Or will she lose her will to fight as the people she loves die?
1. Irreparably Broken

**A/N: Disclaimer: I know in the books, Gale is older than Katniss, but in this story they are the same age. Also, he and Peeta are friendly, which is to say that all characters are a least a little bit OOC. **

I don't know how long I have stayed in bed. I sit here, staring out the window, listening to the mockingjays sing. It seems like it has been a few minutes, but judging by the sun, it's been a few hours.

I don't want to get up.

I don't want to have to go hunt.

I want my father.

"Come on, Katniss," Peeta says softly. "You can't stay in bed any longer. Gale already covered your rounds in the Hob, but you have to come to school."

"Not today," I whisper.

"Katniss, if Gale can do it, so can you,"

"Peeta!" I hiss. "_Not today._" I roll away from him, hoping he gets the point, but instead of hearing his departure, I feel his strong hands slip around my waist and lift me out of bed. He tosses me unceremoniously over his shoulder, and drapes my coat over me like a blanket, picking up my shoes as he carries me out the door.

"PEETA! PEETA PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW! PEETA!"

"Katniss, you have to go to school," Peeta says calmly. "You and I both know it's not a choice,"

That shuts me up. "I'm not even dressed," I say after a minute.

"Madge will take care of that," he says. I can hear his smirk.

"Shut up," I say, feeling a smile creep onto my face. "You suck, you know?"  
"I know," He's still smirking.

"Will you put me down now?" I ask, even though I know he doesn't trust me not to run back to hide under my covers.

"And have you stay in bed all day and be punished by Peacekeepers? I don't think so,"

After me persisting and several well-placed punches to his back, he relents. I don't run.

"Thank you," I say, dusting myself off and putting my shoes on.

"For putting you down or for dragging your ass out of bed? Or maybe for being the best friend in the entire district? Oh, no, it's because I'm so handsome, isn't it?"

"Can't you just accept my gratitude without being a tool?"

He laughs, and I find myself smiling again. There's nothing quite as beautiful as Peeta's laugh, especially lately, when it's been rare. I touch his arm, to show my sincerity. "Thank you for being there today, for risking your ass with the Peacekeepers."

He smiles, but it's softer. "Not a big deal. What are friends for, right?"  
I nod. We are on the school grounds, now, surprisingly early.

"What. The. Hell. Are. You. Wearing?!" I grimace, and Peeta bites back a chuckle.

"Hey, Madge," I say as she grabs my arm and pulls me into the nearest bathroom.

"Okay, I know it's a hard day for you, but that's no excuse to look like a Seam rat," she says impatiently.

"I _AM_ a Seam rat, Madge," I roll my eyes.

"Hmph," she responds by pulling my ratty t-shirt over my head and shoving my arms through a worn pink blouse. She pulls off my flannel pants and forces my legs through denim. Although these clothes are nothing compared to what they wear in the capitol, it's practically silk for District 12. Madge doesn't let up until my hair has been brushed and braided, my eyes are lined and shadowed, and I have a little mascara and powder on my face.

"Madge, I'm telling you, this isn't necess—"

"Oh, hush. Today sucks for you. My whole life sucks for me. So let me do this, for _me._"

"Thank you," I say softly.

"Hush. I'm not interested."

I smile and try to remember the shy Madge I used to sell strawberries to. I guess grief changes a lot of things.

"All right, done," she says finally. "Let's go find the boys before class, shall we?"  
"Yeah, um, have you seen Prim this morning?"  
"Sometimes Katniss, you really are an idiot. Or maybe you just think I am. I dropped Prim off at school this morning because I knew you'd be in no shape to. Give me a little credit. I took the little Hawthornes, too."  
"You're the best, Madge," I say sincerely.

"I know," she smirks. "Like I said, I know today is hard for you. And you and Gale and Peet are always there for me in May," she smiles sadly. "Oh, there they are!"

Gale and Peeta are leaning against a concrete wall outside of the cafeteria. I rush over and give Gale a hug. "Hey, thanks for covering for me this morning," I say into his shirt.

"No problem, Catnip," he says, his big hands grabbing my shoulders. "I needed to get out of the house this morning. Thanks for taking Rory, Vick, and Posy to school," he says to Madge.

"Not a big deal, Hawthorne," she says to him, smiling.

I leave Gale's embrace and move towards Peeta, whose eyes look sad.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Look at you, showing concern," he teases. His joke doesn't make it to his eyes.

"Peeta, really,"

He shakes his head. "I'm not okay, Katniss. None of us are." He smiles sadly.

"We have to get to class," Gale says. He's looking at Peeta and me like we're both about to break. Madge's jaw is set and her mouth is in a thin line. Peeta swallows and his eyes are filling up. I set my jaw and chin up, grabbing Madge and Peeta.

We walk to class hand and hand. Gale. Peeta. Madge. Me.

The Broken Children of District 12.

* * *

Peeta slides into the seat across from me at lunch, and Gale plops down into the seat next to mine.

"Where's Madge?" I question.

"She had to go make sure her dad took his medication," Gale says, draining his cup of soup in one swallow. It's mostly water, anyways. "She's excused," he adds quickly, seeing my alarmed expression. I nod.

"Peeta, my mom told me to tell you that she's going to check up on your dad later this week, tomorrow probably," I say. He nods stiffly. "She says he's showing remarkable improvement," I add. He nods again. "Peeta," I implore him to look at me. He hasn't been this bad in a while.

"It's hard to improve, after being whipped 40 times, at his age," he says softly. "Plus, I don't think he really wants to get better, after losing my mom."

Gale claps his hand on Peeta's shoulder. "Hey, man, he's going to be fine. We are all going to be fine. We have each other."

"Sometimes it's not enough, Gale," Madge says from behind me. She sits next to Peeta. "The reaping is in two weeks."

"Oh, come on, Madge," I say softly. "Tell me you aren't nervous about that already,"

"Tell me you aren't nervous! I mean, especially because it's a Quarter Quell!"

"Of course I'm nervous!" I hiss. "But not now, not when there are still 14 days for me to relax and not think about it!"

"What if it's me?" Madge says in a low voice.

"Madge, shut up right now, do you hear me?"

"Would you volunteer?"

"Madge, I would do anything for you, you know that, but I have Prim to think about."

"I would volunteer for you!" She says, hurt.

"Madge," Gale says quietly. "Stop talking like this."

"What about you?" She turns on him. "For Peeta, would you volunteer?"

"No," Gale says without hesitation. "And I wouldn't want Peeta to volunteer for me."

"Why not?"

"Because, Madge! No one volunteers. No matter how much you care about someone, volunteering is suicide. If it's your name drawn, it's your fate to go into that arena and fight like hell to come back out."

"Bu—"

"No, Madge!" Gale isn't backing down. "If it's your name, it's your fate. If someone volunteered for me, I would never forgive them, because if they died, I wouldn't be able to live knowing that it should have been me. It's your fate."  
"

"Gale's right," Peeta says quietly. "It's fate, or maybe it's the Capitol, but the people the Capitol want dead end up dead anyways. So it's no use worrying about. And it's no use fighting over."

"Fine," Madge says softly. "But don't sit there and feed me shit about how we're our own family, and how everything's going to turn out just fine and whatever, because we can't protect ourselves from the Capitol! The Capitol kills two of us every year. _This _year, as a fucking anniversary _celebration, _the reaping is going to be special or shit. A surprise. They're enjoying it. They're murderers. The Capitol sent your fathers down into that mine five years ago today. The Capitol took my mother's sister and she became so depressed that she overdosed and killed herself. The Capitol killed Peeta's mom and tortured Peeta's dad. We may be close, and we may be able to help each other out, but we can't do shit about the Capitol."

"Madge, you shouldn't be talking about this here," I say quietly.

She crosses her arms and sits back in her seat.

And then the bell rings four times, and I want to bury my face in my head and start crying. Because that means four kids didn't come to school today. And one of them should have been me. _Heather Griffin. Maggie Hopkins. Peter Whipple. Fred Townsend. _All of their dads died in the mine explosion that killed my father. They line up, and are tied around the whipping post. The penalty for missing school is 5 strokes.

"Madge you're wrong," I say quietly. "Peeta protected me from the Capitol today. You all did."  
I would leave, but it's mandatory that we watch the punishment.

I grab Peeta's hand under the table and squeeze it, watching as his face gets unbearably white. "Peeta, it's okay, everything's going to be okay," I say calmly, wanting to brush his tears away. "Peeta, 5 strokes, it's nothing. And it's winter! My mom will do an ice coat and they will be good as new! Their wounds won't even have to set, they will be able to come to school tomorrow. Everything will be okay."  
He nods. I relax.

I miss whole Peeta. The Peeta who gave me bread when I was starving. The Peeta who snuck Prim cookies after my father died. The Peeta who was carefree and happy. He hasn't been that Peeta for six months. In July, two Peacekeepers came to his house to arrest his mother for assault against her three children. Someone had seen her backhand Rye in the town square the day before. Domestic abuse is a capitol offense, and she would be killed. Peeta's father tried to stop them, out of love for his wife, and was sentenced to receive 60 strokes for interfering with the arrest of a criminal. Because it was so hot, his wounds became infected, and he suffered mental damages from the high fever. He's doing much better now, and he has begun to work at the bakery again, but Peeta hasn't fully recovered.

I'm scared he never will.

Then I look at Madge, whose easygoing nature and caring spirit has been replaced with a controlling, angry girl looking for revenge. Her mother's suicide drove her over the edge, and she has anger for the capitol rivaled only by Gale's.

Gale, who is always rambling about running away. Gale, who is ready to lead the district in an uprising. Gale, who Posy, little Posy, called "Daddy" the other day.

No, Madge's anger will never subside, and Gale won't stop fighting the Capitol until he is killed.

And then there's me, who is depressed and angry, lashing out at everyone except for the three people around me, and Prim, who is the only person I'm sure I love. Me, who trusts no one but Peeta, rants only to Gale, worries only for Madge, and cares for no one but Prim. I'm an Ice Queen, protecting myself from feeling the way I did when I lost my father ever again.

We won't ever recover. We are irreparably broken.


	2. Can't Touch Us

A/N: This chapter is set 6 months before the first one. I wanted to have more character development and elaborate on some of the things brought up in the first chapter, because I felt like it was kind of rushed, and because some of the characters are way different than they were in the canon, I wanted you guys to get to know them better.

Also, disclaimers for this chap- School in the Districts goes all year long, with holidays for the Victory Tour and days off for the Hunger Games. Also I changed some dates from the last chapter. Peeta's dad was whipped in April, and Madge's mother overdosed in July. Chapter 1 takes place in September, and the Reaping also happens in September (I wasn't sure about the dates because there were no concrete details about when the Games take place in the books.)

* * *

The bell rings softly when Gale and I walk through the door to Mellark's bakery. I'm crossing my fingers that Mrs. Mellark isn't working this morning, because she won't trade anything for pheasant, which is all Gale and I have this morning. The Hob wasn't as busy as usual, so I'm hoping Mr. Mellark or Rye is working, because I know they like pheasant. No one is behind the counter, and Gale's jaw tightens. He's nervous, because he was almost late to school yesterday because he had to take Posy to her school. He doesn't want to be rushed today, because Peacekeepers remember, and they are always more strict during the Victory Tour, which is happening next week, because the Capitol wants to show all of the districts that they rule with an Iron Fist. Especially in the outer districts.

"You can go ahead, Gale," I say quietly. "I'll just give the food to Hazel when I'm on my way home."

"No," Gale says stiffly. "I don't like you walking back to the Seam alone this close to the Victory Tour. Peacekeepers might ask questions."

That's not the only reason, but Gale isn't letting on. I let it go.

"Hello?" he calls out, voice impatient.

"Sorry!" A voice calls out. Peeta runs out, face red and hair disheveled. "Must have not heard the bell," he says to us, pulling off his apron. "The oven just went off, sorry."

"It's fine," I say quickly, feeling my cheeks heat up when he looks at me and smiles. I drop the pheasant on the table. "How much would you give us for this?"

He looks down and examines it, and says, "Good shot."

Gale huffs. "Thank you," I say.

"Two loaves, I think," Peeta says, already pulling out the bread and bagging it for us. I'm surprised by his generosity. He definitely inherited his father's kindness.

"Thank you," I say again, and this time, the gratitude reaches my voice.

He smiles again, and hands me the bread. "See you in class?"

"Of course," I smile, because it's a stupid question. It's not like it's a choice.

He nods, and Gale ushers me out of the store, putting his arm around me unnecessarily. I look at him in surprise, and after the bell clings as the door shuts behind us again, I push him off. "What was that?" I ask.

"I don't like the way he looks at you," Gale says, annoyed. "Or the way you look at him," he adds. "He's a townie, Katniss."

"Madge is from town, too!" I protest. "And you don't just _look _at her."

"Madge is different," Gale says. His eyes are flashing. "She's been through a lot. Her mother is hardly ever around-"

"You don't have to justify why you care about Madge, Gale," I cut him off. "I love Madge. You know that. And you also know why I think Peeta's a good guy!"

"You like him." Gale's voice is accusing.

"No! No. Gale, you know I wouldn't-"

"Katniss-"

"You know how I feel about that, Gale! You know I don't think of Peeta like that. I don't think of anyone like that."

"You say that now..."

"I'm not going to change my mind, Gale-"

"Katniss, I used to think like that! I used to _be _like that! We used to go on about how we were never going to fall in love or have kids, because the Capitol ruins it all! But then Madge happened, and she changed the way I thought about everything."

"The Capitol still ruins everything," I point out stubbornly.

"Let them ruin it," Gale says. "It's not going to stop me from loving Madge, or for caring about you. Because I would rather have love in my life and then have to deal with it being taken away then to have never loved at all."

"I don't even know why we're talking about this," I say. "Peeta and I aren't even friends!"

"Seemed pretty friendly to me."

* * *

I'm in history class, which is the only class Peeta and I have together. And despite my assurances to Gale and myself, my stomach still drops when he plops into the seat next to me. "This seat taken?" he quips.

"Oh, yeah," I joke. "You probably want to move. A really burly guy usually sits there. Blonde, pretty tall. He's a baker you know. Big arms and all."

"Scary," he says. "Do you think he'll beat me up?"

"Most likely."

He bites his lower lip. "Yeah. He'll probably want to sit next to a pretty girl like you."

I can't fight my smile.

Peeta grins. "Keep that up, and every guy in class will fight me to sit next to you."

I laugh and shove him. "Stop it."

"You know, I like this. You talking to me. I remember when you used to be shy."

"Used to be?" I roll my eyes. "Hell, I'm still shy."

"Then why do you talk to me?"

"You wore me down with your teasing and that stupid grin. It makes me laugh."

"Oh, really?" He grins with enthusiasm, and I giggle. In all honestly, Peeta reminds me of my father. He had a great charisma, too, and the same contagious laughter.

"Yeah. And you also saved my life, so I figured I owed you the courtesy of being nice."

"It always goes back to the bread with us, doesn't it?"

* * *

Gale, Madge, and I are sitting outside for lunch. We still have to be within viewing distance of the whipping post, and there are Peacekeepers patrolling, but I don't mind today. Gale and Madge are holding hands, and I'm pretending not to notice, lying back against the cool grass and relishing the feeling of the sun against my skin. It's been crazy hot this year, and it feels like it's almost ninety degrees today. I don't mind, but a lot of the people around us are complaining and fanning themselves with their hands.

"How's your mom doing?" I hear Gale ask Madge.

"She's getting worse. She hardly comes out of her room anymore."

"I'm sorry." Gale presses his lips to Madge's forehead, and suddenly I feel as though I'm intruding. I don't mind Gale and Madge being together, in fact, I think they're cute, but I don't want them to feel like I'm interfering. I mumble something about going to the bathroom, and I go back into the cafeteria. I feel awkwardly alone as I sit at a table by myself, which is weird because I didn't use to mind. The bell rings once, and I blanch. Usually I look to Gale or Madge to distract me from the daily whippings, but of course they are outside. I don't know why I mind so much, it's only 5 if you don't show up, and 2 if you are late. But it makes me sick. I'm looking away, everywhere but the post, and I want to run, about to run when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey," Peeta says soothingly, dropping to his knees and looking me in the eyes. I'm startled to find tears in his eyes. "It's terrible, isn't it? It's sick, this stupid power game they play." I nod, feeling a tear drop onto my cheek. "Don't cry, Katniss," he says softly, wiping my tear away. "They can't touch us. They can hurt us, and they can beat us down, and they can take away they people that we love, but they can't touch us. They can't take away our spirit. They can't take away the love we have for those we care about, unless we let them. Don't let them. It's okay."

"Okay."

He smiles, and sits next to me for the rest of the lunch period. "I won't let them," I say softly.

"Of course you wouldn't. You're the strongest person I know."

* * *

I'm walking home from school with Prim, but I'm not listening to her talk. I'm wondering what happened to me. I used to be calm and collected, keeping my eyes lowered during the lunchtime floggings, unfeeling and unattached. I used to ignore everyone, and now I'm laughing with townies and crying with the person I swore would never see me weak again. What has happened to me?

Prim talks on, telling me about her day, and talking about how she's excited to have pheasant for dinner because she's sick of squirrel. I chuckle. She smiles up at me.

"Hey, Prim, have you noticed something diff-" And then my whole world stops. Because the siren is sounding. Which means execution. And the way my mother has been lately, depressed and cold, maybe the Capitol has decided that because she has stopped doing her role as a citizen, she is going to be killed. It's unlikely, but possible.

"Prim!" I squeak. "Prim, go home and find mom and _stay _there. I'll be there in a little bit. Okay? Will you be okay?" She nods and runs the rest of the way to the Seam, panic in her features.

I run to the square, trying to see past the sea of people to see who is being executed. If it's my mother, I will run home, grab Prim, and we will make a run for it. Anything would be better than living in a girl's home.

And then I see Mrs. Mellark spread eagled on the platform, a scary amount of blood pouring out of her head, eyes glazed over. And for a split second, for the worst moment of my life, I am relieved. And then I am disgusted with myself and then I am worried about Peeta and a thousand different emotions coarse through me at that moment. Because then I see Peeta. And everything inside me breaks, because he is broken. I run to him, and follow his eyes to the whipping post, where Mr. Mellark's hands are bound and his shirt is torn away. A Peacekeeper is announcing that he is to get 60 strokes for the interference of a Capitol punishment. Peeta is standing with Rye and Sopa, his older brothers, and I can't stop myself from running towards him. He barely takes his eyes off of his father, but when he sees me, he meets my eyes, and they are pleading and grateful. And hurt and painful. Angry and broken. I launch myself through the people between us, and I pull him into my arms. He collapses into me, and rests his head against my chest. Our tears blend together on my shirt.

"Katniss-" I hate how broken his voice sounds.

"Shh," I say, counting the strokes. "They can't touch you, Peeta." My voice cracks as I repeat his words back to him. In this moment, I am consumed by my hatred for the Capitol. If President Snow were within my reach, I would destroy him. "They can take away the people you love, but they can't take away your love for them. They can hurt you, but they can't take away your spirit, right? They can't take anything from you unless you let them. Don't let them. Don't let them."

I repeat this until he stops shuddering and his father is released. Men pick him up, but are at a loss for what to do with him. I hear "We would take him to Everdeen's widow, but she's in no shape to deal with him now..."

"No!" I say loudly. "Take him to her! She'll help. I'll get her to help."

* * *

It's the first time in five years that I've seen my mother's eyes come alive. It's the first time in five years that she's done anything of her own will. It's the first time in five years that I haven't looked at her and seen a ghost.

Later, Peeta is sitting at my kitchen table, by his father's side. He's sent Rye and Sopa home. I sit beside him. "I'm sorry about your mother. I know it doesn't help, but I'm sorry anyways."

"It helps," Peeta grabs my hand. "You helped me so much tonight, and you didn't have to. Why? Peacekeepers saw that. They saw that you helped me. They're going to treat you differently now. Why would you put yourself at risk like that?"

"I care about you," I shrug. "You can stay here tonight, if you want."

He nods. "Stay with me?"

I can't speak over the lump in my throat. He looks like the slightest touch would break him into a thousand pieces.

He doesn't drop my hand. I don't move to get up from the table. Instead, we both lay our heads down on the table and fall asleep together, but I don't tell him how worried I am about him. Because I don't think I could take it if anything happened to the boy with the bread.

* * *

A/N: Please review! Tell me if you want me to write more character background (I was going to write another chapter set in July when Madge's mother ODs, and then have the Reaping). Tell me if you think the characters suck! I love all feedback. Thanks for reading!


	3. Tattered Souls

**This chapter is set in July, 3 months after the last chapter, and 2 months before Chapter 1**

* * *

It's become a daily routine for me to walk to school with Peeta, just like me getting up every morning to hunt with Gale and doing my homework with Madge after school. I have woven Peeta into my life, now it seems impossible that only three months ago I was blushing by our small talk as we were trading. I don't think I could handle life without Peeta anymore. He's become such a part of my daily routine that I don't even think about it anymore.

In the morning, I get up early to hunt with Gale. We trade, and then get ready for school. Prim and I walk to the bakery, and Peeta comes with me to drop Prim off at school. Then, we walk together to the high school. The first few days, I was at the bakery, pounding on the door, until Peeta's oldest brother, Sopa, answered. That first day, I literally forced Peeta into clothes, and dragged him out of bed, muttering, "It's either me or the Peacekeepers." We didn't say a word all the way to school. It got easier after that. A week later, Peeta met me at the bakery entrance, and we started to make small talk. The next week, he asked me if I used to walk Prim to school. When I said yes, he said we could drop her off together; that he didn't mind waking up early. That was the week I told him he could sit with us at lunch, if he wanted to, much to Gale's chagrin.

With Prim walking with us, conversation flowed easily. Prim was good at taking your mind off of all the things you hated about the Capitol, good at making you look at the bright side of life. If President Snow was anything like my little sister, we wouldn't need half as many Peacekeepers. Then again, if President Snow was like Prim, we wouldn't have the Hunger Games, either.

That first day, when Peeta sat with us at lunch, I didn't know whether to be ridiculously happy or to burst into tears. Not only was Gale scowling the entire time, but Peeta was doing a lot worse than I thought. I was happy because it was the first time he had sat with anyone at lunch since...the incident. Usually, he would sit by himself in the corner, and when anyone would come up to him, he would stare glassy eyed at the wall. So I had low expectations.

But as he sat there, I kept expecting him to tease me, or to laugh at something funny Madge said, or try to get Gale to like him.

But he didn't.

And it broke my heart.

But things have gotten better as time has gone on.

After school, I would walk Peeta to the bakery, and then go to Madge's house to finish homework. This is mostly because I worry about her being at home alone with her mother, and I know she's too scared to be alone with her, but she'll never say anything. So I offer. Plus she's really good at math, and I need all the help I can get. I usually leave Madge's house at five, when her dad get's home from the Mayor's office, and then I go over to the bakery again. This started about a month after the incident, when Rye let slip that they were struggling to get all the shifts covered at the bakery, now that Mrs. Mellark was gone, and Mr. Mellark was in no shape to work. Peeta was livid at Rye when I offered to help, but he had to give in to Sopa and Rye's pleading-they were eager to have a little free time. So, for the past two months, I have worked the night shift at Mellark bakery, while Peeta does his homework.

Peeta has been insistent that he stays with me while I'm working, despite my protests that this is _for him _to have free time _away _from the bakery. He insists. I always put up a fight. So tonight, when he sits at the counter and pulls out his history notes, I can't repress a sigh.

Peeta gives me a sigh of his own, accompanied by a dramatic eye roll. I smirk. I've missed his eye rolling these past months.

"Seriously, Katniss," he says. "Are we really going to have this argument again?"

"What's the point of my being here if you aren't going to take some time for yourself?" I say, wiping the counter.

"I have time to do my homework," he says, holding up his notebook.

"Bull. Shit. Peeta, it takes you like fifteen minutes to get all of that done."

He can't suppress a sheepish smile.

"See? I'm right. You should take some time for yourself. When was the last time you drew?"

Peeta's eyebrows shoot up, and I know he thought I didn't know about the sketching. And painting. And drawing. Oops. Rye knows a lot of things about Peeta he doesn't mind sharing.

"I drew yesterday!" He huffs indignantly. "And you weren't supposed to know that. It's embarrassing."

It's my turn to smile sheepishly. "Hey, I think it's adorable."

Peeta rolls his eyes. "That's the last thing I want you to think of me."

"Then you better stop rolling your eyes," I quip as I put a tray of dough in the oven for tomorrow morning. "Because that's cute too."

"Oh really?" Now he's blushing. I can't fight back a smile. Peeta abandons his homework and comes to help me knead dough. As he's rolling up his sleeves, I begin to protest weakly, but I know it's futile.

"Peeta, really, I'm _capable_,"

He laughs, but not unkindly. "No offense, Katniss, but those tiny arms of yours, while they may be great for shooting arrows, aren't nearly strong enough to knead dough quickly."_  
_

"I have time!" I say.

"Shut up and let me help you."

So I do. And he does. We work in silence for a few moments.

Then, "You really think I'm cute?"

I start to laugh, unsure of myself. These past few months, in my effort to help Peeta, I've thrown all the emotional boundaries and wariness to the wind, and I've let him see more of myself that I've shown anyone in the past five years since my father died. Peeta has seen the parts of me that are weak, scared, and depressed. He's seen me heartbroken over my mother, worried to death about Prim being in the reaping, and missing my father so much I want to fall apart. He's seen parts of me I've never dared to show Gale, for fear that he will think I'm weak, and parts that I've never shown Madge, because I"m scared she won't be able to handle it. Don't ask me how it happened, but Peeta Mellark knows me better than anyone. I've shown him all of my tattered, weathered soul.

And he's shown me his. I've seen him vulnerable, and I've seen him strong, and everything in between. In a few short months, he's gone from the goofy, funny baker in my history class, to one of my closest friends.

"Yeah," I say finally. "I finally understand what all those Merchant girls have been talking about."

"And what's that?"

"Oh, you know, they've all been in love with you since the first grade. They _love_ talking about Peeta Mellark, wondering why you won't give them the time of day, how you're so friendly, but you've never had a girlfriend. How you'd be _perfect_ together, if only you would notice them. Really, Peeta, you're quite the heartbreaker."

"Is that right? Hmm. I wonder what they say about me now. Poor Peeta Mellark, his mother beat him, and now his father's crazy, and he _still _doesn't notice me!"

His words are teasing, but his tone isn't. His eyes have gone dark, and he's kneading the bread with aggression now. Towards the capitol, towards our peers, towards his mother. I let him pound the bread for a moment before slipping my arm around his waist, and asking, "Do you want to talk about it?"

This is our biggest difference. Among other things, Peeta will share his feelings, while I prefer to let them simmer in the pit of my stomach.

"I just...I'm so-I'm so PISSED AT HER!" He throws the bread down on the counter. "She was terrible, for years she was terrible, slapping me, Rye, and Sopa around. Even my dad. There wasn't a nice bone in that woman's body. I... I got the worst of it. Which is fine, good. Rye wouldn't have been able to take it, and Sopa, well, Sopa always stood there too long, not wanting to admit that she was hurting him, not wanting to wince at her words, wanting her to think she wasn't getting to him. She would just hit harder, spit more cruel words at him, at all of us. She almost broke his arm one time. No, it was better that it was me most of the time. Sopa and Rye would get told off every few days, slapped around whenever she was really pissed, but me, well, I could walk in at the wrong time, say the wrong thing, and she was after blood. And I could handle enough of it, and I knew when to concede. And I hated her. But now...now, she's gone, and what? Now I fucking _miss _her? How does that work? How can I-she was, she was a _monster_. And I _miss her_." He's crying now.

"Oh, Peeta," I say. "It's okay to miss her. She was your mother." I slide my arms around his waist. "You know, sometimes I hate my mother for the position she puts me in. She gave me no choice _but_ to take care of her and Prim, and even though she's getting better, she's still...gone. And my father...my father was my favorite person in the world. But she was my rock. She was my mother, and she left me. I get so pissed off at her, but I feel like I can't be angry, because she lost the love of her life. She deserves to be hurting. So I shouldn't be angry. But I am anyways."

We work in silence for a few moments, before I ask, "How is your dad doing?" Mr. Mellark's wounds were infected, and he suffered a high fever for several days. He's suffered some mental damage, and he was staying with us for a few weeks so my mother could help him recover. He moved back to Peeta's home a few weeks ago, so I've been wondering how he's doing since he's moved out. I've missed having him (and Peeta) staying in my house. It was nice to have a guy around for a while.

"He's doing better," Peeta says slowly. "I think he's going to start working at the bakery again next week."

"That's good," I smile. We all knew this was the next step. In an attempt to lighten the mood, I tease, "Pretty soon you won't need me around here."

Peeta smiles, but his eyes remain hard. We are finished with the bread, and I finished the cleaning before we started. I start packing up to leave.

As I'm walking out the door, Peeta offers to walk me home. "Peacekeepers," he says. "Don't want Cray to have an excuse to take you home, do we?"

"Right." I try to smile. I fail.

"You know Katniss," Peeta says as we set out towards the Seam. "You don't have to worry about me so much."

My eyes fill up as he smiles sadly at me. "Yeah, I do," I say finally. "I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you. I didn't realize it before, but I really care about you, Peeta."

He pulls me into a hug as we're walking. Neither one of us say anything until we get to my doorstep.

"Hey Katniss?" Peeta's voice is small. Shy. "We'll always need you at the bakery." I smile at him. His voice softens even more, and lowers. "I'll always need you. There was a reason I never noticed any of those girls at school." And with a whisper of a kiss on my forehead, he turns and walks away.

He doesn't look back, but if he did, he would see me standing, in shock, leaning against my porch. He would see me, showing him another piece of my shattered soul.

* * *

"You like him," Madge says accusingly over our math homework. I haven't even told her about what happened last night, she just launches into the conversation like she's been thinking about it for a while.

"Peeta?" I ask, feigning innocence. "Madge, you know how I feel about boys. I'm never having kids, and I don't want to end up like my mother after my father died."

"Wow. You're assuming you and Peeta will get married. And have kids. For all you know, you could die a virgin."

"That's the plan."

"That's depressing."

"Can we stop this conversation before you start talking about your sex life, please?"

Madge laughs. "I'm a virgin, Katniss."

I try not to look surprised. But from the sound of Madge's giggles, obviously I fail.

"Come on. Gale and I aren't _that _touchy, are we?"

"No, no. You're just always holding hands, and brushing up against each other, and whispering in each other's ears, stuff like that."

"Sounds like you and Peeta," Madge quips.

She crumbles under my glare. "I'm just saying," she surrenders. "You worry more about him than you worry about me these days. You take care of him more than you take care of Prim. And when was the last time you confided anything to Gale, hunh? He used to be your secret keeper, and now your sharing all of your feelings with Peeta. And you might not be an expert on love, Katniss Everdeen, or any other sort of emotion, and neither am I, but if that's not love, I don't know what is."

"I care about Peeta," I say. "That's all. I'm just worried about him."

"Whatever you say. Hey, can you stay for dinner tonight?"

"I can't, I'm working in the bakery."

Madge flashes me her best I-told-you-so grin.

"But tomorrow," I say cheekily. "Tomorrow I can come."

"Good. I'll invite Gale and Peeta. Wear something nice. For me."

* * *

With the promise that Peeta and I will do both afternoon shifts for the rest of the week, Rye agreed last night to cover both mine and Peeta's shift tonight. Peeta, Gale, and I go over to Madge's house right after school, and as Madge is getting dinner ready, Gale, Peeta, and I are joking around. It's amazing how much Gale has warmed up to Peeta in the past few weeks. After Gale realized Peeta wasn't going to try to charm him into a friendship, and that Peeta is actually miserable (despite the fact that he's a townie), and that Peeta has as much rage towards the Capitol as Gale, the friendship was actually really linear. Gale is teaching Peeta how to hunt (with knives, Peeta can't handle a bow, and his tread still needs a lot of improvement), and Peeta is teaching Gale how to wrestle. They now spend all of their free time talking about different wrestling techniques, or how to hit a squirrel with more accuracy.

I'm wearing a skirt, (at Madge's request), and I am so uncomfortable that I would have torn it off before now if a), it hadn't been my mother's, and b), Peeta hasn't been able to stop staring at my legs, and Gale and Peeta have both told me I look nice.

I may not want children, but I'm not averse to compliments.

* * *

The mayor comes home around 5:15, and Madge tells us dinner will be ready in about ten minutes. She shows us to the dining room, and we all take a seat. "I'll go get Mother," she says softly. Gale gives her a reassuring nod. None of us are certain if Madge's mother will be joining us tonight.

Mayor Undersee makes small talk with Peeta, talking about business, but a reply barely crosses Peeta's lips before we hear Madge's scream.

* * *

She left a note. I don't know if that makes Mrs. Undersee's overdose better, or worse.

Most likely worse.

If I were Madge, it would make it so much worse.

* * *

We all run to Madge's mother's room. The Mayor stops at the threshold, sees his daughter holding his wife's cold hand, and drops to his knees, burying his head in his hands, and letting out a strangled sob that reminds me of a dying animal. I turn to see Gale with his jaw locked, and fists clenched. He's been wary of Mrs. Undersee's pill habit for months. I keep waiting for him to move to Madge, move to comfort his girlfriend, but he just stands there. Peeta drops to comfort the Mayor, and I run to Madge, pulling her into my arms. She's still screaming. She screams until her voice goes hoarse, but I can still feel her vocal cords vibrating. Finally she breaths, and begins to tremble. "Shhh," I say in a pathetic attempt to comfort her. "I'm sorry, Madge, I'm so, so sorry."

_My loves, _

_I am so very sorry, but I can't take them any more. The headaches, the nightmares. They hurt to much. I miss her. I miss Maysilee. I see her every night in my dreams, and every night she is taken away from me again. My head hurts with the knowledge that she was taken from me, that she was taken from me by the Capitol, which takes everything away from me. From us. From everyone. _

Madge clutches at her mothers arm, and is refusing to let go. Half of her is clinging on to me, and the other half is hanging onto her mom, begging, pleading for her to wake up.

"You were wrong," she hisses. "You counted wrong, you must've! You're just asleep, you weak old woman, you're just asleep..."

Her sobs give her away. She knows.

We can all feel death in the room.

_And, my dear, love of my life, you know how much I care for you. But I could never forgive you for working for them all of these years. For meeting with President Snow. For sending children off every year to their deaths. You stand by. You say nothing. How can you say nothing? Who was there for Maysilee? No one. I should have been there. I should have volunteered. I was weak. _

"YOU WEAK WOMAN!" Madge's screams blend with her father's strangled sobs. "HOW COULD YOU LEAVE US? HOW COULD YOU LEAVE _ME?_"

_What if it had been Madge? Would you have stood by then? While I stand by, weak and powerless? _

_Every year, I have watched to children be shipped off to that dreadful place, and none of them come back. _

_Every year, I see Haymitch, drunk on that stage, and I hate him for not being able to save her. _

_Every year, my headaches get worse. _

_I can't deal with the pain anymore. _

_I can't watch two more children die. _

_I can't watch you standby, anymore, my love. _

"Madge, Madge, stop, stop, she's gone-" Madge buries her head in my shoulder and sobs.

I turn and see Peeta and Mayor Undersee. The Mayor is clutching at Peeta, making terribly painful sounds. Peeta is just whispering words into his ear, and my heart fills with affection for him. That he can be in so much pain, and yet help others cope with theirs, astounds me. The Mayor begins to shout, "It's your fault!" again and again.

_Madge, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left you. But not for today. I'm sorry I left you to go to my room all those years ago, when you really needed a mother. I'm sorry I was always in here, instead of watching you grow up. But today, I'm leaving. _

_You look like her, Madge. You always have. _

_My head hurts, my head hurts, and I'm tired. I can't fight this anymore. I've lost my battle. _

_My only hope is that you two win yours. _

_Remember who the enemy is. _

_She used to always say that. Her and Haymitch. I thought it was a joke, at first. It wasn't. I understand that now. _

_Maysilee is waiting for me. It's not just a dream today. _

_I love you for always. Goodbye. _

I hold Madge for the rest of the night as she cries into my shoulder. We end up falling asleep on her mother's bedroom floor, our tears blended together and dried on our cheeks, her head on my chest, and my arms wrapped around her protectively. As we're drifting away, I realize that she's stronger than I give her credit for. And maybe her soul is just as tattered and weathered as mine.


	4. No Invincible Armies

**A/N: I tried to get this chapter up as soon as possible, because I'm excited for this story to get going. This is set two weeks after the first chapter, and after this, everything is going to go in consecutive order. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

"You've got to stop worrying about him," Gale says as he is cleaning one of our squirrels. It's our last day before the Reaping, and we are taking advantage of the unseasonably warm weather.

"I can't help it," I protest. "He's just…not himself."

"Can you blame him?"

"Stop," I cut him off before he can go on a rant about the Capitol. I tuck a strand of hair that has fallen out of my braid behind my ear. "Why do you care so much, Gale?"

"No, Katniss, I think the question is why do _you _care so much,"

I don't like what he's implying. "I care about Peeta because he is my _friend_," I huff.

"You aren't always worrying about me," he points out.

"I don't need to worry about you."

"You don't need to worry about Peet either."

"_You _worry about Peeta," I say, getting more and more annoyed with him.

"Not lately. He's better, Catnip." He's trying to curb my anger by using my nickname. It doesn't stop me from sighing at him.

"I just…it felt like we lost him for a while. Like my mom. I don't think I could handle losing Peeta."

Gale's jaw tightens. "Right."

"What?" I say, annoyed again. Why is he reacting like this?

"Let's just get trading over with. I'm ready to go home." He brushes past me, towards the fence.

"Gale," I say softly, reaching out to stop him. My hand rests on his arm. "Why are you so upset?"

He laughs an empty, humorless laugh. "Sometimes you really are stupid, Katniss. I'm upset because you're in love with Peeta."

My mouth drops open, and my throat feels like it's closing up. "What? Gale, no—"

"It's okay, Katniss." He presses his lips to my forehead, and backs away, throwing his game bag over his shoulder. "I just…I don't know, I love Madge. I do. But a part of me has always loved you, too, and I just. It was okay that you didn't love me back because you didn't love anyone." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. We walk in silence for a few minutes. "Ever since Madge…you know." I do. I remember.

The night Madge's mother died, we all decided to stay with her, and her father sent Peacekeepers to tell Hazelle, Mr. Mellark, and my mother. We all piled into Madge's room, while Mayor Undersee disappeared into his room with a bottle of dark ale. Peeta and Gale made palettes on the floor, and I climbed into bed with Madge, but we weren't planning on going to sleep anytime soon. Peeta and I were joking around, talking about anything but what happened, and Madge was asking Gale to go out into the hallway with her eyes.

And then I did something that I wish I hadn't. I gestured towards Peeta, and we listened at the door.

"…Madge, don't do this. Just because you're hurting—you need someone to be there for you,"

"I do. And you _will _be there for me Gale, but I won't be able to be there for you. You deserve to be with someone who can be there for you, and I won't be able to, not after…not after this…"

Peeta and I moved away after that, and tried not to notice Gale's red eyes and Madge's sniffling when they came back into the room.

"You should tell him," Gale's voice draws me back into the present. "Especially with the Reaping…you should tell him." He doesn't even look to see if I'm responding before walking away from me. I back up until I'm leaning against a large oak behind me. I rest my head against it, and wipe away tears that I didn't know were falling.

* * *

It's the first Sunday in years that I've been home for lunch. Usually Gale and I spend the entire day hunting, savoring every last drop of daylight. But…not today.

I traded the two squirrels that I shot with Gale, and then a fair amount of berries that I picked up on the walk back.

My mother and Prim are shocked when I come inside in the middle of the afternoon. My mother actually looks behind me, as if she expects a Peacekeeper to be following me in with the barrel of his gun. "Gale wasn't feeling well, today," I offer lamely. "We decided to be done early."

"We were just going to have a little cheese and bread for lunch," Prim offers. "And then I was going to go to the bakery to check on Mr. Mellark."

"We both were," my mom says. "You can come with us if you want."

"I was actually going to go see Madge," I say, not wanting to see Peeta now. "But I might stop by the bakery afterwards."

My mother nods. "We should be there for the rest of the afternoon."

"Okay."

* * *

Madge doesn't look surprised to see me. "Gale was just here," she explains. "Was awfully upset. Care to shed some light on that?" She's leading me into their sitting room where cookies and tea are sitting. I will never get used to the simple pleasures Madge has access to every day.

"Gale was here?" I repeat.

"For like five seconds to trade strawberries. Spill. You look like you're about to throw up."

"He was pissed because according to him I worry about Peeta too much—"

"Oh, honey, you do,"

"And he thinks I'm in love with Peeta, and he's jealous, and he's acting like a hormonal baby, Madge,"

"Nah, he's just jealous of Peeta, and he's dead certain he's going to the Hunger Games."

"He thinks I'm in love with Peeta," I say again.

Madge laughs. "The only person who doesn't think you're in love with Peeta is you, Katniss. And Peeta."

"Yeah, well, I would know, wouldn't I? I don't even think I'm capable of loving anyone."

She laughs again, and I fight the urge to roll my eyes. "You know you love Prim."

"And the list stops there."

"Sure it does."

* * *

To prove to myself and everyone else, I head to the Mellark's Bakery to see Peeta (and my mother and Prim.)

Rye says hi to me, and takes me to the back room where my mother and Prim are leaning over Mr. Mellark's broken back, and Peeta is watching with concern. His eyes light up when he sees me. I pretend not to notice.

I barely last 30 seconds before I'm feeling nauseous and Peeta guides me outside and suggests we go for a walk.

"Thank you," I say gratefully. "I can just go home if you want to stay with your dad."

"Don't be silly," Peeta says. "He's in good hands."

I nod.

"Why aren't you with Gale?" he asks. "It's Sunday." Am I imagining his jealousy? Why do I care?

"Gale and I…we got done early this morning."

Peeta looks skeptically at me, and then says, "I thought you guys usually stockpiled before the reaping, just in case."

"Yeah…we usually do," I offer lamely.

"Just not today?"

"He told me a small part of him has always loved me," I say, as if it's no big deal. "And he wanted me to know before the Reaping," I add as an afterthought.

"Do you love him back?" Peeta's voice is strained. The small amount of color that has returned to his face the past few weeks has left it.

"No," I say in a small voice. Then, without thinking about it, I add, "He thinks I'm in love with you," only to immediately regret my words.

Color rushes back into Peeta's face.

"I should go," I say quickly, tugging on my braid self-consciously. "I don't think Prim milked Lady this morning, and with the Reaping tomorrow, there are tons of things to get together." My mouth is already acting of it's own accord, words tumbling out of my lips like water cresting over a waterfall, so I shouldn't be surprised when they kiss Peeta's cheek, and whisper, "See you tomorrow." But I am. My cheeks are burning and I can't get away fast enough, so I am also astonished that I hear Peeta's quiet reply. His voice is quiet and rough when he says, "See you tomorrow."

* * *

Of course Lady is already milked, and I've taken care of everything for tomorrow, so I'm sitting at home idle, shocked at having nothing to do. I pull down one of my father's books, but my mind wanders. _What the hell am I thinking?! _I berate myself. _Peeta is…it doesn't even matter, you don't want kids! You don't even want a boyfriend, and you've never wanted to get married. This is you getting emotional about the Reaping, and thinking that you're feeling things that you're not, like Gale. You just need to get yourself back together. _

Prim and my mother arrive home soon after that, and we eat a small dinner. My mother is quiet, and Prim fidgets, obviously nervous despite the fact that this is her second year. Hell, I still get nervous, and this is my fifth time entering the Reaping! My actions today proved that. I sing Prim a lullaby before she goes to sleep, but I can still tell she's afraid to go to sleep. Her nightmares are terrible. "It's okay, Prim," I whisper. I hold her until she falls asleep, and am surprised when I wake up to a loud rapping sound instead of her screams.  
The sun has just risen, and curfew has broken maybe moments ago. Rain is pouring down, and my stomach drops. I can't think of anyone who would knock on our door this early—except Peacekeepers. I jump out of bed, and go to the door as quickly and as quietly as possible, so Prim and my mother don't wake up. I open the door to see a flushed and breathless Peeta, soaking wet, hair in disarray, raindrops clinging to his eyelashes.

"Peeta?" I don't think he even processes my question before pulling me towards him, and kissing me softly on the lips.

"I love you," he whispers, pulling away from me. "I've always loved you, and I need you to know. It's been driving me crazy, ever since last night when you kissed me on the cheek…you have to know...before tomorrow..."

"Don't say it," I whisper raggedly. "Don't say it just because of the Reaping, Peeta, if you don't mean it, don't say it, it will kill me."

"Kill you?" His eyes light up. "So you care about me, too."

"Peeta, I don't…Of _course _I care about you. I just…I…"

And as I look into his eyes, those piercing blue eyes that I've seen filled with laughter, heartbreak, and pain; the eyes that I look to everyday during the lunchtime floggings, eyes I look to when I'm mad at my mother, or worried about Prim, eyes that comfort me and make me laugh, and suddenly none of it matters.

"…I'm sick of being scared," I finish, launching myself into his embrace.

As he kisses me, all of my excuses fall away. I won't be like my mother. Nothing will happen to Peeta. As the kiss builds, all of my inhibitions about loving Peeta disappear. Nothing is going to happen to either one of us. His large hands were tilting my chin up and resting on my cheek, but now they are running up and down my body, and twisting themselves into my hair. I bite down on Peeta's lower lip as my hands pull him closer to me, and he laughs. I throw my arms around his neck, and draw him closer to me. I'm never letting him go.

It could have been seconds, minutes, or hours before we come up for air. I wouldn't be able to tell you.

It's the happiest I've ever seen Peeta, and it makes me more ecstatic than I could ever tell him. He gives me a quick kiss, and then leaves to get ready for the Reaping. I tried not to stare at him as he walked towards town, but I'm only human, and something about the fact that I had just ran my hands over his ass made it that much more drawing to the eye.

Prim works in an anxious haze all morning, but I'm not nervous as I change into one of my mother's old dresses, because I can still feel a whisper of Peeta's lips on mine. We are going to be fine. The Capitol can't touch us.

Prim and I find Gale, Madge, and Peeta waiting for us outside of the pens. Gale and Madge are holding hands, and I can't stop myself from folding myself into Peeta's embrace. "It's going to be fine," he whispers into my ear.

Prim walks off with Rory, and they enter the square. Gale, Madge, Peeta and I walk in together. Hand in hand. We are invincible. Peeta squeezes my hand, and brushes his lips against my cheek before heading to the boys' side of the square with Gale. Madge and I are ushered to our side by two flustered looking Peacekeepers, but I'm too busy remembering how nice it felt to hold Peeta's hand to be annoyed with them. I'm too preoccupied meeting his eyes and smiling to notice that Effie Trinket has taken the stage. I'm hardly bothered as I hear her announce that the President is here, _in District Twelve itself_ to reap the tributes. It's only when President Snow actually takes the stage that I return to the present, instead of replaying our first kiss over and over in my mind.

"Hello, Ladies and Gentleman of District Twelve," Snow begins in his deep, drawling tone. "As you know, this year, the 75th annual Hunger Games, is a Quarter Quell, and this year, as a reminder that the Capitol will always repay its debts, and give honor where it is due, as well as that the Capitol will always avenge it's trespassers, and punish those who deserve it; this year, there will be no Reaping, but four tributes have been _selected_ in each district to reflect their parents _services_ to the Capitol. Please congratulate your tributes; Katniss Everdeen, Madge Undersee, Gale Hawthorne, and Peeta Mellark, may the odds be ever in your favor."

What happens next is a blur. I think I scream. I'm not sure though, because all I can think about is how wrong I was. We are not invincible. I am going to fight to the death with the people I care most about in the world. And that's not even what I'm most upset about. No, I'm _devastated_. My world is over. Because Peeta Mellark, the boy I'm hopelessly in love with, has just been reaped to compete in the Hunger Games. And I'm his competition.

I definitely screamed.

* * *

A/N: Sorry, I'm going to stop doing so many author's notes after this chapter, but here's the deal. Because it's Easter weekend, this is probably going to be the last time I upload a chapter until at least Monday, but I have part of the next chapter done. So if you review this chapter, I will send you a preview of Chapter 5, which is going to be FULL of drama. I'm so excited.

Thanks for all of the support, though, really, it means a lot to me.


	5. Goodbyes

The President exits the stage and enters the Justice Building.

I think it's my anger towards him that brings me back to reality. I feel my eyes narrow and my vision turns red. How _dare_ he just leave? After reaping us…for what did he say? _Services _to the Capitol? From our parents? What does that even mean?

Effie totters up to the microphone, and hits it suddenly, three times, as if the line has gone dead since Snow moved into the shadows.

"How exciting, how exciting," she says, her Capitol accent loud and annoying, as if her lilt gets worse with excitement. "Up you come tributes, yes, the girls: Ms. Everdeen, Ms. Undersee…up to the stage please," I turn to Madge, who is standing right next to me. She looks as numb as I am. I feel a tear drop onto my shirt, and it doesn't even occur to me that everyone in all of the districts will see me like this. That future sponsors will see me like this. I don't care that I'm Katniss Everdeen, too strong to have or show emotion. I just want this moment, here with Madge, to be broken. To look weak.

"Katniss, we have to go up," she says. Her voice breaks. I nod numbly. "We have to go up now, okay?" She wipes the tears off my cheeks, and tilts my chin up. "Can't have anyone seeing you like that, can we?" her voice is barely there. I nod again, and grab a hold of her hand as we walk up to the stage together.

"Wonderful, wonderful," Effie coons. Madge's grip on my hand tightens when she sees her father. He looks stricken, and he has fallen back into his chair. He is whiter than a sheet. I wonder how Prim and my mother are handling this.

"What an _honor," _Effie continues. "That you have been _chosen_ to represent your district in this anniversary of the Hunger Games."

Haymitch guffaws from the far side of the stage. I hadn't noticed him before.

"What are your names, dears?" She asks us. I feel my brow furrow. I thought it would be pretty obvious. She moves the microphone in front of my face.

"Katniss Everdeen," I say defiantly. My voice is strong, which surprises me.

"KATNISS!" A young girl shrieks. _Prim. _"KATNISS!" She yells again. She runs towards the stage, but Peacekeepers hold her back.

"Prim!" I yell back, "Prim, it's okay…" She's hysterical. Peacekeepers carry her out of the square.

"I'll be my hat that was your sister," Effie remarks. _I'll bet my hat that you're the dumbest person in the Capitol. _

I can only nod.

"So you must be Madge Undersee?" Effie says. The microphone moves to Madge.

"Obviously," Madge retorts.

"The mayor's daughter?"

As if to respond, the Mayor moans and puts his head in his hands. Madge nods, and bites her lip.

"Well, well. This should be an exciting year indeed!" I want to be sick. "Now, let's have the boys come up to the stage!"

It's the first time I've seen Peeta since the President announced his name. I'm expecting him to look broken, like he did while his dad was being flogged, or upset, like he does when he talks about his mom. But instead, he looks angry. His jaw is set, and his eyes are incensed. He's pissed. And I'm loving it.

Our eyes meet, and his soften almost immediately with concern. I feel tears fill my eyes, but I won't let them fall in front of all of these people. Gale climbs onto the stage, and he looks like he's in shock. I find Hazelle, Vick, Rory, and Posy in the crowd. They are all clinging to each other, and tears are flowing down Hazelle's cheeks. My heart breaks into a million pieces.

And then Peeta climbs the stairs. As soon as he steps onto the stage, I'm launching myself into his arms. I don't even realize I have moved until I hear Effie's surprised laugh, and Peeta's arms ensnare me, pulling me into him. I close my eyes and burrow into his chest, breathing in his scent and relishing the feel of his arms around me. He pulls back slightly, and says, "Everything's going to be okay. I promise."

I want to tell him that he can't promise that. But I don't. I can't.

"Well, well, this is an interesting twist!" Effie remarks.

Go to hell, Effie.

"I'm Gale Hawthorne," Gale says stiffly to her. "And that's Peeta Mellark. Can we please go to the Justice Building?"

"Y-yes, of course," Effie says, flustered at being addressed in such a fashion, and practically shaking with the excitement that her tributes are so _interesting_. "But first, tributes, shake hands."

We all join hands, and face the district.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Your Tributes for the 75th annual Hunger Games!"

Effie begins to applaud, but, in one motion, everyone in the square lifts three fingers to their lips, and then raises them above their heads.

I feel tears fall onto my shirt, but I wasn't aware I was crying. Peeta, Gale, and Madge turn to go to the exit building, but I don't move. I lift three fingers to my lips, and say goodbye to my District.

* * *

We are all ushered into the same room in the Justice Building, as if because this is a Quarter Quell, we don't deserve the luxury of getting a private place to say our goodbyes.

If I were with anyone else, I would be livid. But Gale, Madge, and Peeta are the only people, besides Prim, that I would want to say goodbye to.

As soon as the door closes behind us, and the Peacekeepers leave, Madge lets out a wail and falls to her knees, burying her head in her hands. Gale moves to comfort her, but she holds him at arm's length. He tries not to look hurt, but you can tell he is. He misses her, and all of us being in the Hunger Games doesn't change that. He thinks she still loves him, but I know better. She's moved on.

Rye comes in first, which surprises me. He hugs Peeta, and then hugs me, before pulling us both into his arms.

"You guys are stronger than you think," he says roughly. "Stronger than they think. Peeta, you held me and Sopa together this year. And Katniss...we owe you everything. Come back. Find a way to come back."

"Only one of us comes back, Rye," I remind him sharply.

"So make sure it's one of you," he says. He kisses Peeta's cheek, and then leans in to whisper in my ear, "I love you, and I'm so thankful for all that you've done for my family. And this is so incredibly selfish, and I hate myself for it, but please, _please_ try your hardest to help my baby brother come home." He hugs me again, and I'm reminded of all the times we worked a shift together at the bakery. He would joke around with me, tell me embarrassing stories, and even jokingly refer to me as his sister. I can't even understand how hard it must be for him to ask me this. I kiss his cheek and nod. His eyes fill with tears.

Rye leaves, and Peeta pulls me into him, and whispers, "Given the circumstances, I'm going to try my hardest not to be jealous that you just kissed my brother."

"Only you could make me smile at a time like this," I say quietly.

"Hey," he says gently. "You helped me through the pain once, too."

Then Hazelle comes in. Gale leaps to his feet, and pulls her into his arms. She is shaking. "The kids will come in a minute," she says into his shirt. "I just wanted...a minute...with my son."

Gale buries his head in her shoulder. "It's going to be alright, Ma," he says.

She pulls away from him, and rests her hand on his cheek. "You've always been so strong, Gale. My strong, strong boy." He rests his forehead against hers. "Stay strong, in the Games, Gale. I know you'll make your father proud. My strong, strong Gale."

Rory, Vick, and Posy, come in then, and Hazelle lets Gale go, and he lowers himself to the ground and pulls them all into his embrace. Hazelle wipes her cheeks, and comes to me. I hug her, and she rests her hand on my arm. "Oh, Katniss," she says softly. She opens her mouth to say more, but I stop her. "I know," I say, a lump rising in my throat. "I know, Hazelle. I love you, too. And it's okay that you want him to come home." Her eyes are glossy, but she looks grateful. I look at Rory, Vick, and Posy, clutching at their oldest brother, the man they look to as a father, and I want, with all of my being, for Gale to be able to come home to them.

"It's not fair," she says softly.

"No," my voice breaks. "It isn't."

Peacekeepers take them out, then.

And then Prim is rushing towards me, her tiny arms squeezing my ribcage, and I struggle to breathe.

"Don't worry about me and Mom," she whispers. "I have Lady, and Mom is doing better. We'll be okay. Don't worry about us. Just come home."

I bend down and meet her eyes.

"Come home, _please_," her voice is shaking now.

"Oh, Little Duck," I wipe the tears from her eyes. "Of course. Of course I'll try my hardest to come home. I promise."

"Will you sing?"

"Yeah," I say softly.

"_Deep in the meadow, under the willow_

_A bed of grass, a soft green pillow  
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes  
And when you awake, the sun will rise._

_Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you._

_Deep in the meadow, hidden far away  
A cloak of leaves, A moonbeam ray, Forget your woes and let your troubles lay  
And when again it's morning, they'll wash away._

_Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you."_

She sings the last few bars with me. "You remember the song?" I ask her. She nods. "Okay, you can sing it, from now on. Sing all the nightmares away, until I come back."

She kisses my cheek. "I love you," she says.

"I love you, too, Little Duck. I love you more than you will ever know, okay?" She is not able to respond before a Peacekeeper comes and takes her away.

Then, Mr. Mellark. I'm not prepared for this. He says nothing. He comes in, and shakes Gale's and Madge's hands. Then, he hugs me. For the rest of his allotted time, he hugs Peeta, and neither one says anything. Then, when the Peacekeeper comes, he pulls away, nods, and kisses Peeta's forehead.

My mother comes in, caresses my cheek, and says, "Your father would be so proud of you." Hazelle said something similar to Gale.

Sopa comes in for a moment, and wishes all of us good luck before leaving. He's never been that outspoken.

Our last visit is from Mayor Undersee. He hugs Madge, and apologizes profusely several times before kissing her cheek, and then turning to all of us and saying, "Remember who the real enemy is."

* * *

As soon as we get on the train, Effie leaves to find Haymitch, Gale mutters something about "wanting to be alone", and Madge just wanders out of the room. I look at Peeta, and he sits on the couch and gestures for me to sit with him. Soon, I am curled up against his side, and he is playing with my hair.

"If I had known, Katniss, if I had known we were going into the Games together, I never...I never would have told you-"

"You never would have told me that you loved me?" I try not to sound hurt, but I am.

"Katniss, you know I don't mean it like that."

"I don't regret that you told me. And I don't regret realizing that I love you, too. Please don't regret it, Peeta. Not because of this, because it would have been hard, _this _is so goddamned hard, but it would have been hard anyways."

"How are we going to do this, Katniss? How are we supposed to kill..." I don't know whether he's talking about Gale and Madge, or each other, or the other Tributes, but no matter what I don't have an answer for him.

"I don't know, Peeta. I don't know."

* * *

After a few minutes, Haymitch comes in. "Well, what have we here?" he says, laughing at our embrace. "Star Crossed Lovers From District Twelve?" He starts to laugh hysterically, obviously drunk off his ass. "Fucking Capitol with eat that shit _up_."

"You think this will help us get sponsors?" I ask.

He doesn't respond, just pours himself another glass of scotch.

"She asked you a question," Peeta reminds him harshly.

"Settle down," Haymitch says, sitting down across from us. "I like you two," he says at last. "You've got spunk, which makes sense, considering what you've been reaped for."

"What's that?" I ask.

"What's what?"

"Why were we reaped?"

Haymitch starts laughing again. "And here I thought you were intelligent!" He sobers up though, after looking at me a long moment. "You're Everdeen's daughter?" he asks finally.

"Yes." My voice is too quiet. "I knew your father. Shame what happened to him."

I nod.

"Do you believe it? That it was an accident, down in the mines?"

My mouth drops open, "Do you think it wasn't?"

"Was it an accident that _you _got reaped? Was it an accident that _your father _was down in the mines when they exploded, along with 50 other men who were speaking out against the Capitol, working towards a revolution? Tell me, sweetheart, do you really believe that with all the technology that the Capitol has access to, they couldn't have _prevented _that explosion? Or that they couldn't have known it was going to happen and scheduled your father to work that day?"_  
_

My heart stops. He's right.

"It wasn't an accident, sweetheart," Haymitch says. "And you certainly weren't reaped for your father's "services" to the Capitol. No, you four, are being reaped as a _warning._"

"A warning?" Peeta says apprehensively. "For what?"

"The Capitol wants to remind it's citizens that they don't take rebellion lightly. And that they will kill, have killed, and won't hesitate to destroy any threat."

"So my mother?" Peeta asks. "She's the reason I'm in the Hunger Games?"

"No, although she was a piece of work. Would always make snide comments about my appearance whenever I would buy bread," he adds under his breath. "No, your father. Him trying to stop those Peacekeepers was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Your father is very well known for his dislike of the Capitol."

"And Madge?" I breathe. "Her father's the _mayor_."

"And her aunt made the Capitol look like a fool. Well, I did. But she was...associated with me. And besides, I expect they're trying to send a message. That even the mayor's daughter is within their reach."

* * *

I wake up screaming from a nightmare about my father's death. I kept telling him to run...I hate nightmares. Peeta runs into my room, half asleep. "I heard screaming," he says.

"It was just a nightmare, Peeta, I'm sorry for waking you up."

"It's no big deal," he says, dropping onto my bed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, but...will you stay with me?"

"Always."

By the third time I wake up screaming, I'm about to send him away, though, because I keep waking him up. When I mention that it's okay for him to go back into his room, he shushes me, and says, "I'm fine just where I am." He pulls me closer to him, and then starts to sing, in a hesitant but unwavering voice,

"_Deep in the meadow, under the willow_

_A bed of grass, a soft green pillow  
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes  
And when you awake, the sun will rise._

_Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you._

_Deep in the meadow, hidden far away  
A cloak of leaves, A moonbeam ray, Forget your woes and let your troubles lay  
And when again it's morning, they'll wash away._

_Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you."_

"I'm sorry," he apologizes. "That was stupid, I know it's your and Prim's thing-" I interrupt him with a kiss.

"I love you," I say. "That was perfect."

I fall asleep against Peeta's chest, and I feel like I'm falling in love with him all over again, because even though we're broken, and even though we are most likely going to die in a few days, Peeta knows exactly how to put me back together.


	6. Silhouettes

I wake up with my head on Peeta's chest, and his arms wound tightly around my waist. He is snoring softly into my ear, and I smile. His breath is hot on my neck, and warmth spreads into my toes. I remove my hands from around his waist, and stretch my stiff back and legs. I could get used to waking up like this. "Peeta," I whisper into his ear. I kiss his cheek and roll on top of him. "Peeta, time to wake up..." His blue eyes flutter awake, and he lazily reaches up to push back some hair that's fallen out of my braid.

"Good morning," he says with a smile. "Could you wake me up like this more often?"

I laugh, and lean down to kiss him. "Only if you spend the night with me more often."

"Deal." He pulls me down to him for a gentle kiss. It's soothing, comforting. It's perfect. After a few moments, Peeta pulls away, and rests his hand on my cheek.

"As much as I would like to stay here with you all day, we should probably go find Haymitch."

I feel my eyes widen and my heart rate quicken as the memories of yesterday hit me in the stomach like a ton of bricks. The Reaping. _Prim._ Peeta. Having to fight Gale, Madge, and Peeta to the _death_. My father. _Rebellion. _His accident...not an accident. _A warning. _

I gasp, trying to return air to my lungs. Peeta looks at me with concern, "Katniss, it's okay..."

"I just...forgot. No big deal. Let's go find Haymitch."

I get dressed quickly after Peeta leaves to change in his compartment. We agreed to meet in the dining car for breakfast. I walk in to the beautiful, gaudily decorated room, and try to look past the chandeliers and crystal dishes. I hate how the Capitol lives in wasteful, thoughtless, unnecessary _splendor_, while in District Twelve we are lucky to get enough oil to last a month, and frequently have to huddle for warmth to make it through the night. It makes me sick. No one is sitting at the table yet, so I walk over to the couches, where I find Gale. Passed out with an empty crystal vial of some alcohol. From the smell of it, it was whiskey. And he drained it.

"Gale," I say sharply, shaking him awake. I have no sympathy for him, he knew what he was doing last night, and the hangover he was going to wake up to this morning. He barely stirs, and makes an incoherent statement, trying to swat me away. "Gale!" I say, shaking his shoulder violently. "Wake up."

His eyes open slowly, and he flinches at the light. He punches me lightly in the shoulder, and I slide onto the chair opposite him. He groggily sits up, and slurs, "I think I'm going to throw up."

"Bathroom's right through that door, kid," Haymitch says from the doorway. "Try not to puke on the floor or Effie will be after your ass. Both of our asses, actually."

"You gave him the alcohol?" I ask Haymitch indignantly.

"Relax, sweetheart, I didn't give him anything."

I raise my eyebrows at him, and he lifts his hands in surrender.

"I didn't give the kid anything, they leave the alcohol laying around. I just didn't stop him."

"Why not? Now he's hungover, God only knows how he's going to look for the Tribute's Parade..."

"Take a deep breath, sweetheart. The Tribute's Parade's tomorrow, he'll be fine."

"You should have stopped him."

"I didn't stop Peeta from climbing into your bed, did I?"

I glare at him, and he laughs. "We all have different ways of coping with the nightmares, sweetheart. And he didn't have anyone to cuddle with."

"Looks like you two got pretty comfortable," I huff.

He laughs again. "You know," he says between guffaws, as he pours himself another drink, "I'm usually not this chipper during the Games." He raises his glass, as if toasting me. "You sure do know how to make a man laugh, sweetheart."

I spin on my heel, flip him off, and walk to leave the compartment, just as I hear Peeta enter and look at Haymitch questioningly. "I like her," Haymitch says, chuckling again. I don't hear Peeta's response, because my senses are overcome by the smell and sounds of Gale emptying his stomach into the toilet.

"What the hell, Hawthorne," I grumble as I get a washcloth and run it under cool water, waiting until he is done retching. Gale sits back against the wall, pale and sweaty. I crouch over him and dab his forehead with the washcloth.

"Good morning to you, too," He grumbles, "What a wake up call."

"I'm not apologizing. It's your fault you're hungover, not mine."

"Could you at least turn the lights off?"

I laugh, and it sounds mean. Maybe it is. "I'll get you some water. Deal with the light."

"If I were Peeta, right now, you would turn the lights off!" Gale says bitterly. I freeze.

"First of all," I say, voice dangerously low, "Peeta wouldn't _get drunk_ when he's about to be a Tribute in the _Hunger Games_ with his three best friends. Peeta wouldn't complain when someone was helping him nurse his hangover. Stop comparing yourself to Peeta. You two are completely different species."

"And you two are the same?" Gale asks. "You're just like me, Katniss. You'd get drunk, too, if Peeta left you. Moved on."

"I never said I deserved him." I say sharply. Then my voice drops. "This was about Madge?"

"Tell me, Katniss, if Peeta decided, one day, that he didn't love you anymore, how would you deal with it?"

* * *

I leave Gale with an aspirin and a large glass of water, and go back to the dining car, where Peeta and Haymitch are discussing finding shelter. Conversation pauses when I walk in.

"There she is," Haymitch says. "How's Boy Wonder?"

"'Boy Wonder'?" Peeta raises his eyebrows.

"Nicknamed him that after he drank more than I did, and didn't throw up. Miraculous."

"I'm sure," I hear myself say bitterly. "Have either of you seen Madge this morning?" They both shake their heads. "I'm going to go find her. Will you fill me in later?" I ask Peeta. He nods. "I'll tell you as much as you want about finding shelter." I kiss his forehead and walk out of the room.

"Madge?" I call as I near her compartment. I knock on her door, but there's no response. "Madge?" I ask again, louder. Still nothing. I try the door, and it's locked. "Madge!" I put my ear to the door, and hear nothing. I start to panic. I pull a pin out of my hair and pick the lock. Gale taught me how to once when we were hiding Prim's birthday present. We had gotten her a new dress, and it would look out of place in my closet, and if we put it anywhere in Gale's house Rory would tell Prim. So we locked it in my mother's closet, which locks from the inside. Only my mother has a key, and she wasn't in any condition to tell us where it was. So...Gale picked the lock. And then taught me how.

The lock clicks in place. I turn the knob, stepping into the room with a sense that I'm going to find something bad. Call it instinct. Or maybe the fact that this is how I felt the day my father died, the day Peeta's mother was killed, before dinner at Madge's house. I close my eyes, trying to prepare myself for the worst. I smell blood.

I

Open my eyes. Close them fast.

Open them. "Oh, Madge," I gasp. Close.

Open them. Run to the bathroom. Grab a large cloth. Close my eyes.

Open my eyes. Press the towel to Madge's wrist, which is bleeding profusely. Slit open. Close my eyes.

Open. Grab another towel. Call for an Avox. He presses buttons and soon a doctor is with us. We stop the bleeding. Close.

Open. "Lucky girl," he mutters. "Cuts like that would have killed her if you hadn't found her." He sticks a needle in her arms. Clots the blood. Close.

Open my eyes. Hold Madge's hand as the doctor puts a salve on both of her wrists. Bandages them. "She'll be good as new tomorrow," he says. Close.

He has no idea.

I can't look at him. I can't open my eyes again, and see Madge, who was drowning in puddles of her own blood.

"She won't even have scars by tomorrow," the doctor says. "Good for the tribute parade." He gives her another shot. Replenishes her body's blood supply.

He leaves. I sit, and hold Madge's hand. My eyes stay closed. "Katniss?" she asks. She must be awake. "Katniss, don't tell Gale...please..." she's crying.

"Don't tell Gale _what_ Madge?" My voice is sharp. Pointed. "That you tried to kill yourself? Or that you aren't even going to put up a fight in the Games?" I open my eyes, and I flinch when I see her brokenness.

Shattered.

Fractured.

Wrecked.

Exhausted.

Cracked.

Dashed.

Crushed.

Heartbroken.

"He's in love with you," I whisper. I don't know why I say it. She nods, eyes closed, tear falling out of the corners.

"You love him too." I say. She nods again.

"I don't understand."

"I know," she says softly. "Don't tell him. Please."

"Fine." I snap.

"Don't be angry, Katniss-"

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"I know you don't understand..."

"His heart is breaking, because he thinks you don't love him-"

"We are dying, Katniss. In a week, we will be dead. What's the point?"

"The point?" My voice breaks. "In a week, you will be dead. _That's _the point."

"Don't tell him. Please."

"Why did you try to kill yourself, Madge?"

Silence.

"Madge?"

She turns her head away from me. I huff and help her get into bed.

"Fine." I say harshly. "I won't tell him." I kiss her forehead and turn to leave.

"Or Peeta." She says softly as I'm clearing the doorway.

"Or Peeta," I promise softly.

* * *

By the time I get to the dining car, I'm sure my eyes are red and swollen from all the crying I've been doing. I don't want Peeta, or (God forbid) Haymitch to see me like this, but I stride into the room regardless.

"Oh my," Effie says, eyes settling on my face.

"Had an emotional morning, Sweetheart?"Haymitch says.

I nod stiffly, and sit down next to Peeta, pulling my chair out violently. His gaze is laced with concern, but I don't meet his eyes. Instead, I turn to Haymitch.

"How am I supposed to do this? How are _we_ supposed to do this?"_  
_

Haymitch's eyes cloud, and he pulls out his flask. "Slow down, Sweetheart. Let me wake up a little first."

"These are my _friends. _And all of the other tributes, they are being punished! I don't want to do this, I _can't _kill these people, Haymitch, what-how am I supposed to do this?"

"God, Katniss. I don't know. I still don't know how you're supposed to do it, how you're supposed to handle it, cope with murdering. All I know is that there are no victors. Only survivors."

"I can't..."

"You have to! You don't have a choice. So grow a pair and stop crying. I never thought you were the emotional type."

"I'm not!" I snarl.

"So take a deep breath, wash your face, and meet us in the lounge car to watch the Recap of the Reapings. Okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

Peeta, Haymitch, Effie, Gale, and I are sitting in a compartment on the train, about to watch a recap of all the Reapings. Effie is explaining to us that they have changed the entire schedule of the Games because this is a Quarter Quell. We are spending two days in the Capitol before the Parade instead of one, we are training for a week instead of three days, and there is a week before our interviews after our training scores are announced.

They spread the Reapings out over two days, so the President _himself_ could attend. I can read between the lines of Effie's chatter, and it's apparent to me that the President is drawing this out to make this the most painful for the Districts. He is warning them that their punishments won't be quick; they will be drawn out and painful. Something tells me the President doesn't have a quick bullet to the head in mind.

I am drawn out of my reverie by the monitor coming to life, and Caesar Flickerman _roaring_, "Here's what we have all been waiting for...we finally meet our tributes for this year's HUNGER GAMES!" Now, almost twelve hours after our own Reaping, they are airing a special. I try my hardest to pay attention, but there are so many faces that some slip through.

District One is all muscle. My stomach begins to turn.

From District Two, there's a huge blonde boy named Cato, who looks like he can snap my neck like a twig with his biceps that are thicker than my thighs. He doesn't look upset to be reaped at all, and neither do his district partners, a small girl named Clove with an evil grin, a tall, lean boy with dark hair with penetrating eyes and charming smile, and a blonde girl named Kate who blows kisses to the crowd and laughs when her name is called. I ask Haymitch, "Why are they happy about being Reaped if they're supposed to be killed off as a warning to the Districts?"

Haymitch answers, "Sweetheart, nobody's unhappy in One and Two. There's no one for them to pick on. Those tributes probably paid their way into the Games, because it truly is an _honor_."

I try not to throw up thinking about the kind of person who'd volunteer, hell, pay, to kill other children.

District Three isn't memorable, except for a small twelve year old boy who is sobbing too hard to say his name. I fight the urge to sob with him.

In District Four, the President announces that Heather Blake, William Hemingway, Hunter Lee, and Annie Cresta are Tributes, but as he says Annie Cresta's name, he looks pointedly at Finnick Odair, the most _well liked _Victor, and Finnick blanches. Something tells me he was responsible for this.

I'm too busy wondering what Finnick Odair could have done to poor Annie Cresta that I miss five and six, but usually they have no victors, and a Foxfaced girl stands out to me.

I'm shocked when they reap Johanna Mason's little brother in seven. Not that he was reaped, because obviously the President was trying to make a point, but that there was anyone left Johanna cares about. I remember a few years ago when they executed her parents on television. That was the last time I saw Johanna have any emotion in front of a camera.

I space out until they show District 11, and a girl whose appearance is exactly like Prim's, except in coloring, announces that her name is "Rue". "Her parents stole bread to feed their children," Haymitch says. I gasp. Peeta takes my hand, but I pull away, walking out of the room and muttering, "I can't, I can't." Peeta stands and tries to follow me, but I hear Haymitch say, "Let her go."

* * *

We stop to refuel the train outside of District Two. The sun is setting, and we should be arriving at the Capitol tomorrow morning. Effie informed me that part of the relaxed schedule was that the train journey was slower, allowing the tribute's arrival to be staggered; so although this train is "state of the art", and could get us to the Capitol in less than a day, we are taking our time and using renewable resources to get to the Capitol in two and a half days. That is also why we make frequent stops for fuel.

I dash out onto the platform as soon as we come to a full stop. The cool air feels amazing in my mouth, my nostrils, traveling down my throat and into my lungs. _Amazing_. I open my mouth wide and take big gulps, as if I haven't breathed in forever.

I clutch the railing, suddenly afraid I'm going to fall. Then I feel arms around my waist, and I smell the familiar scent of flour and cinnamon.

"Peeta," I say softly.

"It's going to be okay," he says softly.

"No it isn't."

"You can hunt."

"What does that have to do with _anything?"  
_

_"You can win._"

"Without you? No thanks."

"Katniss, be reasonable, you can go home, to Prim and your mother. You can take care of Hazelle, and the little Hawthornes. My father and brothers love you like part of the family, you can be there for them..."

"No. Peeta stop talking."

"I can't live without you."

"I can't live without you!"

"You can go home!"

"Peeta-"

"NO, KATNISS! You can't die."

"I can't live. Knowing all of you are dead...I couldn't live, Peeta."

"We can talk about this later. We have to go back inside." He's mad at me.

"You're mad? Really? Because I said I don't want to live without you, you're mad!?"

"Not at you, Katniss...not at you. Let's just go to bed."

* * *

**A/N: Reviews make me happy! And a happy writer means faster updates! **

**Tell me if you like Katniss being more open with her feelings.  
Tell me if you think Madge should tell Gale how she feels and/or that she tried to kill herself.  
Tell me if you think Peeta should sacrifice himself to save Katniss. **

**Do you want Snow to talk to Katniss before she goes into the Games? Do you want me to switch POVS (like from Katniss to Madge or Gale or Peeta?) Do you want more Katniss/Peeta action before the Games? LET ME KNOW! REVIEW :)**


	7. Fierce Warriors

Peeta ushers me back onto the train, and stomps loudly in front of me. I try not to be hurt when he walks past my bedroom and into his, but I am. A week ago, I would have retreated into my room seething, but I refuse to go to the Capitol with this hanging over our heads. I'm a tribute in the Hunger Games, goddammit, I'm sick of living with regrets.

"Hey!" I call out, sharper and louder than I intended. He turns roughly and looks at me apprehensively. I close the gap between us in two long strides. "You do _not _get to walk away from me, okay? You do not get to be mad at me about this! You do not get to be upset because I told you that I don't want to live without you!"

"Katniss-" he grabs my arm and pulls me towards him.

"No!" I cut him off, grabbing his forearm. "Do you'll think that I'd be okay? Going back to Twelve alone? Do you?"

"Katniss, you don't-"

"NO! Okay, do you realize how selfish it is, that you want to die for me? Have you even thought about how spectacularly unfair that is?"

"That I'm dying for you?" His voice is indignant.

"YES! Peeta, if you die, you'll go to heaven, or somewhere else, but it won't be here. You're plan is for me to win, right? So you get to leave, but what about me? What about me when you go off to the light, or whatever? WHAT ABOUT _ME?" _I'm crying now.

"Katniss,"

"No," my voice is weak now, and I've dropped to a whisper. "I'd never be able to forgive you."

"For dying?" His eyes are filling up with tears.

"For making me love you! And then leaving me!"

"Oh, Katniss," he says pulling me into him. I sob freely into his shirt.

"And I'd never forgive myself for letting you go. So stop talking about how I could win this. Stop right now."

"Okay." And then he's kissing me. He's kissing me like we're about to go into the arena, like he's never kissed me before and will never kiss me again. It's a kiss that steals my breath and makes my knees quake, and I have to pull away or it will overtake me.

"I...can't..."

He pulls back with an expression of alarm.

"I can't do this Peeta? How am I supposed to walk into that arena with you, and Gale, and Madge, the people I care about most, knowing that only one of us can come out? Maybe none of us? How can I kill twenty other kids who are being punished by the Capitol? I can't..."

Peeta smiles at me sadly, and one tear slides down his cheek. "You have to."

"I know."

He kisses my forehead, and pulls me after him into his bed. We don't even change into pajamas, just curl up next to each other and fall asleep.

He wakes me up when I start screaming, and rubs my shoulders gently. I'm glad he doesn't have nightmares, but I feel bad that I'm constantly waking him up while screaming for my father to run. He doesn't complain, though, and doesn't move. I'm grateful. He'll never know how grateful I am for him.

Effie wakes us up early, muttering under her breath about our "improper sleeping arrangements" but I ignore her. "It's a big, big day! We are arriving in the Capitol in fifteen minutes!"

Peeta starts at this. He shoots up in bed, wipes the sleep out of his eyes, and pulls me out from under the covers with him. "Hurry and get dressed," he says quickly. "I'll meet you in the dining car in a few minutes."

I dress quickly, and arrive at the dining car less than two minutes after Peeta hastens to his own room. Gale is there eating, and I'm grateful he's not hungover again. I sit down across from him and give him a small smile. I feel bad for not telling him about Madge, and my guilt increases a tenfold when the doors whoosh open and Madge herself walks in and sits beside Gale. "Morning," she says in a small voice.

"Good morning," Gale says weakly.

"Can we talk later, Gale?" Madge asks, eyes not leaving the table in front of her, not daring to look Gale in the face.

"Of course." His voice breaks.

The awkward silence is broken when the doors swish open again, and Peeta walks in, followed closely by Haymitch and Effie.

"We have a big day today!" Effie says excitedly, totting over to the table and sitting down with a grand sweep of her hands.

"Yeah, yeah," Haymitch says roughly. "We'll be in the Capitol in a couple minutes, so listen up. From the moment you step out of this train until the moment you set foot into that arena, your one and only goal will be getting sponsors. And the first step is the Tribute Parade. So do whatever your stylists tell you, smile pretty, and be better than everyone else."

"Guys!" Peeta says quickly. "We're here!" He motions me towards him, and I quickly slide under his arm, which is around my shoulders protectively. Suddenly, we _swoosh_ into the train station, where thousands of people are cheering and waving, screaming at us.

Peeta smiles easily at them and gives them a small wave. They go insane, trying to launch themselves at the moving train to get a better view of us.

"Smile," Peeta tells me. "They'll love it."

I glance back at Haymitch, who is considering me. His eyes tell me all I need to know, that he thinks I'm a weak crybaby who isn't deserving of her father's name and will throw everything away in the arena because she's not strong enough to kill an innocent kid. His eyes narrow at me, and his head tilts to the side. There's a smirk on his face. He thinks I'm going down without a fight.

I tilt my chin up, and give the crowd a smile I reserve for Prim, and use to surprise Peeta. A smile with _teeth _and _dimples_ and _smiling eyes._ I lift my arm and wave, resting my grinning head against Peeta's shoulder and pulling him closer to me. I blow kisses to the Capitol, kisses that say _Katniss Everdeen fights to the death. _

* * *

"You certainly wooed the spectators at the train station," my stylist says as he walks in. "You're all anyone is talking about." His words sound good, but his voice is sad. "I'm Cinna." I take his hand.

"I'm sorry that this happened to you," he says after sizing me up.

"Most people congratulate me," I say flatly.

"I don't believe in that. Especially not this year."

My breath catches. He leans in close to me, and says, "I knew your father."

I pull away from him, surprised and scared. "Not all of us are from the Capitol, you know. He was always telling me about his brave little girl, his brave little Katniss."

"I don't feel very brave," I say. "I feel like crying all the time."

"Hey," Cinna says softly. "Everyone knows the fierce warriors cry after battle. Only truly brave people allow themselves to grieve over what is lost."

"Where'd you hear that?" I ask, dead certain he made it up.

"That's what your father used to tell me."

A tear slips down my cheek.

"You're from Twelve?"

Cinna nods. "I cry all the time too."

"Okay."

* * *

"Just remember, these aren't real flames, okay?" Cinna says, fixing my hair. Cinna told me they planned on braiding it elaborately like Madge's hair, but he thought that a warrior wore her hair down, so my hair is in thick waves cascading down my back, almost as if they are on fire themselves. Pierre, Madge's stylist, comes over and asks Cinna if we're ready. Cinna nods and hands me up into the carriage. "Don't be afraid," he says as a goodbye.

"They aren't real flames!" I call back. He smiles.

The carriages move slowly at first, and we are still in a tunnel, so the Capitol can't see us yet. We stop and wait for a signal to continue. Gale and Madge stand on the right side of the platform, and Peeta and I stand on the left. I take Peeta's hand. "I'm scared," I whisper into his ear. "All of this scares me."

He squeezes my hand. "I've been scared since Snow read your name at the Reaping. I'm scared all the time."

"Lie to me. Tell me we'll both be fine. That we'll grow old and have eight grandchildren."

"You don't want kids," Peeta says.

"No, but you do. So lie to me. Tell me that this is all just a bad dream."

"We'll both be fine. We'll grow old in Twelve and have eight grandchildren. They all have your hair-"

"-and your eyes," I interject.

"And your eyes," Peeta's voice breaks, and his eyes are full of tears. The carriages pull forward. He continues anyway. "Prim will get married to Rory, and she'll bring us goat cheese everyday. They'll have two blonde babies. You'll hunt enough for us to live off of, and sell the rest. We'll be rich. Madge and Gale will live next door, but they won't have kids, they'll just have sex all the time. Like teenagers, even when they're eighty. They're happy. We're happy. You laugh all the time. You have wrinkles from laughing, and your frown lines have gone away. I make you cheese buns everyday. You don't have nightmares anymore."

I'm laughing and crying and falling into a million pieces. "Promise?" I ask him. We have just cleared the tunnel, and suddenly I'm met with the cheers of millions of people, all screaming my name. I wave, sure that my face betrays all the heartbreak inside of me. I smile, but there are tears streaming down my face. I can't cry right now, not with all these people watching. Peeta lets go of my hand, and wraps his arm around my waist. I lean against him appreciatively. We wave together. We finally slow to a stop in front of the President, still aflame.

The President begins a speech about how he "honors our duty and sacrifice" but I'm not thinking about that.

I'm thinking about the hand that smoothed my hair, and whirled me around to face him so he could wipe my tears.

I'm thinking about the arm that took my hand and pulled me towards him, into him.

I'm thinking about the whisper in my ear, saying, "I promise. I promise you all of it."

I'm thinking about the boy with the bread.

* * *

I'm mentally preparing myself for Haymitch's wrath. _"I gave you one job, Sweetheart, and you go and cry all over your pretty dress." _

Instead, he smiles widely at all four of us, and says, "And here I thought you couldn't pull it off." I turn to Madge and Gale, thinking they pulled something impressive out of their asses to impress all the Capitol people, but Gale's eyes are red and Madge looks disgruntled and her face is white.

"Let's take this upstairs," Cinna suggests, eying a boy from two that is leering at us.

Five minutes later, we are walking into the penthouse of the Training Center.

"Why don't you four change into something more comfortable," Haymitch suggests. "And then meet us down here in a few minutes?"

"Oh, thank God," I say. "Sorry, no offense, Cinna," I say quickly. He chuckles, and I hurry off to my room. I barely have the door closed before Peeta is walking in with a t-shirt and soft cotton pants in his hand.

"Peeta!" I giggle. "I'm changing!" I protest, even though I'm still fully clothed and need help with my zipper.

"Let me help you," Peeta says huskily, biting his bottom lip and waggling his eyebrows. I giggle again and turn, moving my hair so he can unzip my dress. "I hate that you make me giggle," I pout.

"You're cute when you giggle," I can hear the smirk in his voice.

"You think _you're-" _I trail off because he's finished unzipping my dress, and his warm mouth has brushed the base of my spine. He trails warm kisses up my back, sprinkling them onto my shoulders, suckling on my neck.

"_Peeta_," I gasp. He slowly slides my dress off of my shoulders, and it drops to the ground. I shudder when his warm hands meet the cool flesh of my stomach. He rubs them slowly up to my ribs, then back down, creating a path over my hips.

I turn and relieve him of his shirt, unbuttoning the thick black fabric and throwing it unceremoniously on the floor. I run my hands down his stomach until they meet his belt buckle. I slowly work the leather until the belt is unfastened, and I slowly slide the cracked belt out of his pant loops, all Peeta takes my mouth into his. I slip two fingers into the waist of his pants and pull him back with me, until we are standing in front of the bed. I push him down onto it, and straddle his hips. I tangle my fingers into his hair, pulling him towards me, inhaling him until there is nothing left between us, not even oxygen. His hands are all over my body, but never wandering past my ribs or over my underwear.

"Katniss," he pants, pulling away from me. "_Katniss_. We have to stop."

"Why?"

"We have to talk to Haymitch." I tilt my head and suck on his ear.

"Screw Haymitch. He'll be there in the morning."

"It's rude."

"I don't want to talk to Haymitch," I whine. "I want _you_."

Peeta swallows slowly.

"I promise you can _have _me," he says shyly. "Anytime you want. After we talk to Haymitch."

"Fine," I growl.

"I'm so turned on right now," Peeta says as he watches me get dressed.

"Good," I say sassily. "I hope you're miserable the entire time we're talking to Haymitch, thinking about how much you want me, _swelling _with desire."

"You're going to kill me, Kat."

"Kat?" I ask.

"Why not? You call me Peet."

"Gale calls you Peet. _I _call you Peeta," I tease.

"Call me whatever you want. I'm calling you Kat now."

"Just not "Sweetheart", 'kay?"

He laughs even though he knows I'm not joking.

* * *

Later, after we talk about how great the Parade was, how great we were, how the sponsors are rolling in because of the affection we showed each other during Snow's speech, we _finally _get to come back to my room. Our room.

_"Finally," _I grumble, flopping down on the bed.

Peeta crawls in after me, already taking his shirt off. "Where were we?" he asks.

"Well we _were _ about to have sex," I tease, pulling the covers back and climbing up towards the pillows. "But now, I'm going to sleep."

"Not if I have anything to do about it," Peeta says mischievously. I giggle and pull him towards me, letting him envelop me, letting the ecstasy crowd out the fear, letting the love and affection I have for him drown out everything else.

Later, he's asleep, I tell him that I know he can't keep his promise. But that I wish he could. That I love him. And that I'm going to die loving him.

It's only after, when I roll over onto my stomach and start to breathe heavily, that I hear him say, "Not if I can help it."

I guess we're both bad at telling when the other one's asleep.


End file.
